


another empty bottle takes a life

by casualmarches



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Unrequited Love, can someone give awsten the love he deserves, i do some serious venting and projection and you can pry that from my cold dead hands, really sad, this is just
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-07 23:41:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15918603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casualmarches/pseuds/casualmarches
Summary: awsten hurts.





	another empty bottle takes a life

**Author's Note:**

> vent fics are depressing
> 
> title is from another empty bottle by katy mcallister if you want to listen

awsten hurts.  
  
he hurts and he hurts and he never really stops hurting. he cries until he's hollow and he cries until he's empty and he cries. nothing is okay, nothing is fine, no matter how many lies tumble off his lips and no matter how many times he swears up and down and left and right. he has never been okay.  
  
they yell. more accurately, _he_ yells, yells and screams and curses and throws things and slams doors and punches walls, while she pleads and begs and shouts and sobs. awsten pulls his pillow to his ears, sings broken songs to himself. he counts backwards from a hundred in a choked whisper and thinks that this is the best life gets. these are the best times in his life.

sometimes he doesn't yell at her. he yells at him, taking apart all the flaws, all the things wrong with him, calling him worthless and useless and dumb, dumb, dumb. he's not good enough, he's not smart enough, he's not enough. he breaks him and doesn't put him back together, leaves him shattered on the floor for his mother to sweep up later.

his body is sore with every step he takes. his legs threaten to give out from under him and he almost wants to let them. from every invisible bruise, from every scar on his thigh, it's a constant ache, a constant reminder that he is weak. that he will never, ever be more than this.  
  
that he will never be more than nothing.  
  
when he was younger, he would go into his head. it was better there. he would dream of places that were safe, warm, happy. but things changed, as things do. dreams turned to nightmares turned to real life. his mind didn't need to make up monsters or strangers out to get him. his mind just took what was already there.  
  
and oh, people see. otto, one of his only friends, sees the panic attacks, the shaky hands, the violent tremors. geoff, the one he can hold but never have, sees the glazed over eyes, the vacant expressions, the absent stares. they see, they always see, but they never look.  
  
awsten hurts.


End file.
